Overcoming the addiction-cycle
It affects the entire family in ways that only people who have lived-it, first hand can understand. This won't change until the family does something different
Laying the groundwork for
the recovery process
begins with the family
The addict will not choose anything different on their own, because they don't have to...
Families-of-addiction can play a very important role in moving their addict loved-one
closer towards recovery simply by making a few adjustments.
As long as the family keeps rescuing, paying for cell phones, car payments, rent, food,
and, so on, the addict is being enabled to continue to stay in chaos. It's easy to believe
that if you (the family) can make the addict's life comfortable, remove as much pressure
as you can, then eventually they will "want" to change. That's not how the addict-brain works!
Tips you can implement to help your addict:
1. DON'T GIVE CASH!
If you want to help then pay creditors directly
2. IT'S OKAY TO SAY 'NO'
Think 'value-for-value' in all of your dealings with addict. If you want to help them
you must require them to do something in return, for you. You have to start creating
an equal exchange.
Examples: run errands, mow the lawn, watch their own children, etc...
And, you must insist that the addict performs their end of the bargain, first!
This has failed in the past because you believed the addict's promise of "doing it later",
but after you paid that bill, the addict never did their part. "Later" never comes.
Keep in mind, the addict is not used to you holding firm so you will probably experience
a few temper tantrums, in the beginning. By holding your ground you are beginning the
process of change, and, any change means that your addict will begin to grow!
3. DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT THEY SHOULD DO
Stepping in to handle something just because it needs to be done can't be your job anymore. It's time to let your addict figure it out, even if they fail a few times. (or, have to lose something).
4. ALLOW YOUR ADDICT TO FEEL UNCCOMFORTABLE
I know this a tough one for mama-bear but you must begin to allow your addict to feel uncomfortable. Discomfort is a natural consequence of addiction. The more discomfort the addict is allowed to feel the closer they will move towards recovery (something very different)
Stop babying your adult-addict. This falls under co-dependency and is as much a sickness as addiction.
5. IT'S OKAY IF THE ADDICT YELLS AND SCREAMS AT YOU
It beats a funeral and it's only temporary. Addicts turn to aggression, quickly, when they aren't getting something they want, or, they perceive an injustice.
Anger is used as a strategy to re-gain control. Ask yourself; "how often do I give-in when my addict reverts to anger outburst"? If you're honest with yourself then your answer will be "most of the time."
We understand that families tend to give-in to anger to simply re-gain some peace, but somebody has to tell you straight (looks like that's going to be me). Every time you give-in when your addict goes to anger, they are being conditioned to believe that anger will get them what they want AND, it conditions the family to walk on egg-shells so they don't upset the addict.
This is the endless cycle of chaos has no winners.
These previous examples are why we work so hard to educate and heal the whole family. Once the addict is out of tricks, they will make changes, and, once the family understands the tricks, they can heal.
Stop rationalizing irrational behavior.
Obviously, these step alone will not affect a complete change, but it will lay the ground-work for the process-of-change that is forthcoming.
We include immediate family members at appropriate times throughout the process to help educate and strengthen the entire family dynamic.
We'll teach the addict how to develop to their fullest potential, from the inside-out. Getting sober is the easy part, staying sober requires hard work, in-depth teaching, and, space to practice
how to become productive contributors to life
how to be comfortable in their own skin
how to handle situations without self-destructing
Justin's Lighthouse works closely with addicts/alcoholics, PLUS, their whole family throughout the recovery process. The whole family is in disarray and the whole family needs healing and change.
A program of solutions
While the patient embarks on their own journey of self-discovery, other family members are encouraged to attend weekly family-groups, participate in their own private sessions, as well as, joining the patient for counseling, at appropriate times.
Without interfering with the addict's recovery, each family participates throughout the recovery process
Dr. Miles K Lewis
Founder/Director
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